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Funny Jokes that will make you Laugh and Cry

Cracking a funny knock-knock joke or coming up with the most perfect pun is not only fun for you, but it can make another person’s day. 

Coming up with a funny joke on the spot that will also make people laugh (for real) can be a tall order. That’s why we’ve curated a list of some of the all-time best corny jokes for all ages and senses of humor, whether that’s a cheesy joke about science for the kids to pass along, or a math-related pun for the older siblings.

Let’s Laugh out Loud

  1. A parishioner was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed the parishioner by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!” The parishioner replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.” Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?” He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.”
  • One Easter, a father was teaching his son to drive when out of nowhere a rabbit jumped on the road. Slamming on the brakes, the son said, “I nearly ruined Easter! I almost ran over the Easter Bunny.” His father replied, “It’s okay son—you missed it by a hare.”
  • Just after a maid had been fired, she took 5 bucks and threw it at the family dog.
    When asked by her former employee, the maid answered, “I never forget a friend who helped me, I gave him 5 bucks for helping me clean the dishes all the time..
  • A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?” To which the boy replies, “Now we run!”
  • Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, one of the muffins says:

“Man it’s hot in here!” 

The other muffin exclaims,

“Look a talking muffin!!”

  • Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
  • “The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.”
  • “My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.”
  • Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”

  • What is the worst combination of illnesses?

Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.

  • “My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.”
  • “I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except for one person.”
  • “I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.”
  • “My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?”
  • “I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?””
  • Wife: “I want another baby.” Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one.”
  • Teacher: Why are cigarettes good for the environment?

Student: They kill people.

  • Priest: “Do you have any last requests?”

Murderer sitting in the electric chair: “Yes. Can you please hold my hand?”

  • Man: “Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?”

Doctor: “To the mortuary.”

Man: “What? But I’m not dead yet!”

Doctor: “And we’re not there yet.”

  • My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one. She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”


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